I signed up with Facebook to keep in contact with my stepkids. A couple of my friends signed up, and not long later, a bunch of my 40-something high school class appeared [1].
A while after, something else appeared: friend invites from a couple of my clients. Uh oh!
I should have considered that potential beforehand, but hadn’t. The idea gave me some pause. Not that I don’t like or want to interact with my clients, because I have terrific clients! I like them–definitely a goal to shoot for if you work for yourself, let me tell ya.
But having spent my time on Facebook thusfar interacting with people I know specifically from my personal life, what I had up there was…well, personal. Once I started adding it up, I realized there is a LOT of information about how I think–and that any single piece of this information could potentially alienate a client.
I had a choice.
- Sanitize the information via a limited profile and carefully control whom can see what.
- Continue being myself and trust my clients to make up their own minds about whether or not they want to work with the real me, for good or ill.
For years, I functionally chose sanitation. I kept a personal blog, used handles instead of my real name anywhere other than my main business site, and generally kept a low profile in terms of identifiable information with all online activities. The strategy worked pretty well overall. It simplified things. I didn’t have to be concerned about offending my clients or having my technical expertise taken less seriously because of non-related issues [2]. And by most accounts, keeping your personal and business personnas seperate is the “correct” business advice.
But you know what? It gets tiring, always monitoring your image to make sure not too much of “you” leaks through. And what about hiding ideas, groups or beliefs that you feel strongly about? I feel like voicing my support matters on some level. Sometimes, the dual personality deal just didn’t feel good.
Here’s one big, fat, controversial example for ya to chew on: I support gay marriage. [3] And while I totally respect the right of folks to feel otherwise, I don’t find my support for gay marraige something I feel good about hiding. It feels disingenuous.
See, I have two gay stepkids. I raised them when they were small, and even then I had an idea they may grow up to be gay. There were signs early. [4] Based on my experiences, I believe kids are either born gay or not–and those that are deserve the exact same rights and options as those who were not. I also believe that avoiding the issue is contributing to injustice. While I don’t have the drive to be an activist, I don’t want to hide my support for my kids and others who are also gay, thus implying support for inequalities in the status quo.
So on Facebook, I’ve joined a couple of causes associated with gay rights, including gay marriage. It’s not in-your-face all over my profile, but it’s not hidden behind any privacy settings, either. While this obviously would be off-putting to some, I’d feel like a phony hiding my strongly-held convictions to avoid offending. Even if it makes more business sense to avoid the issue entirely–and I admit it probably does–I no longer want to avoid issues entirely if they happen to come up naturally. Honestly, if a person finds my beliefs distasteful enough to avoid working with me, okay. I’m not going to deny that right to ‘em.
The merging has been coming for some time, and it’s getting more comfortable the more I merge. I’ve believed for a while now that ultimately I would be happier being more me, and have an inexplicable faith that sharing more of myself and my true energy, more honestly, will ultimately let me lead a more authentic life on all levels–a life where I can speak my mind, support the ideas and causes I believe in, and just be one me, working for what I believe to be the greater good. That’s what I want.
So that’s why I came out of the closet on Facebook. And I’m planning on staying out of the closet. In many places and in many ways. Here’s hoping I’m right about the outcome. ‘Cause I have to be honest with you: it can be a little scary being out of the closet.
Got a self-disclosure social media story? Tell us…
photo credit: José Eduardo Pachá
Footnotes- One of the faster-growing demographics of FB [↑]
- Who wants a techncial consultant that reads Tarot and pays attention to Mercury Retrograde cycles? [↑]
- Sorry, Ms. California! Gotta disagree with you on this one. [↑]
- I explained the concept of same-sex partnership to my kids after they asked about a gay couple we’d seen. “I’m going to do that when I grow up!” my stepson declared excitedly. So for all intents and purposes, the boy came out at five. [↑]
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Posted on May 11, 2009 at 9:17 am in: Small Biz Tips
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